Have you ever just sat there and watched five toddlers create their own play without any guidance. Besides a few improvisations it is all mimicking. For a little over 10 years now my daily life has been this improvising. Learning to expect the unexpected. Mimicking what I have learned over the years from my parents, my grandparents, and from many other parents I have met or seen along the way. Some cases also learning what not to do.
Now I am nowhere near perfect and I compare myself to other mommies all the time.
Do I feel like I have my shizzzz together ? No.
Do I feel insecure in my parenting and care giving skills? Yes
Do I feel the need to improve myself as a wife? All the time.
Am I doing the best that I can? Heck yes!
Am I happy with where I am now in my life? Heck YES!
If you know me and you know my back ground. You know that NEGATIVITY has ruled a majority of my life. Given the circumstances of my childhood and teenage years. Not that I had it tough, really. There were just a lot of troubled people in my life. Having an impact on my life and surroundings.
Now five years after meeting my husband and father of my child. I can say with out a doubt in my mind this is the happiest I have ever been in my life. Even with my dark days of depression that come and go. Even with the weight that I have gained, surgeries I have had and the complaints I make,
I am still happy.
I was forced to finally make a decision two years ago almost. To either go back into another daycare or with my limited “skills” and lack of “knowledge” into a fast food job or something. My real desire though was to stay home and raise my baby.
How could I do that?
We just moved into our house the beginning of 2015 and then November came and I had no job.
The thing is “I am daycare”.
Why pay someone else to watch my kid? When it is what I have been doing the over the past ten years? That was it.
I would open my own little home child care.
It is the best choice my husband and I made for me to stay home. With my skills as a infant room teacher, nanny, babysitter, etc. I am able to not only watch my daughter grow and become such a fun little human being. I am able to help those who need a loving home to send their children to while they go work to take care of their children. To do what they need to do in their working lives without having to worry about their kids.
At most I watch four children each day five days a week along with my own daughter. Each day bringing me to improvise. You can’t just schedule when a toddler has to go pee or when they decide to fall asleep. Don’t get me wrong we have a pretty strick routine. We try to maintain our list of activties, and planned curriculum.
As one of my favorite song’s says in the chorus,
“When all you got to keep is strong Move along, move along like I know you do when all your hope is gone move along, move along like I know you do.” ~ All American Rejects 2005 2nd album Move Along
I think this speaks to me more now than back then. Being a mom and a child care provider sometimes you just have to move along when all you got to do is keep strong. Its a hard knock life sometimes with egotistical, almost threenagers are trying to run the show and try to tell you how it is.
You improvise and move along.