The past two days despite all the merriness, love and gift giving were full of uncomortable moments of standing, sitting, sleeping, moving, doing anything really. I was already sleeping upright in our new cozy recliner chair for like the past 3 weeks every night. It wasnt comfortable but I could at least get a couple hours a sleep at a time. At 36 weeks pregnant most of us are getting little sleep. Most people do not tell you that the sleepless nights begin a few months before they are born. I was miserable.
All the activies of Christmas Eve and Christmas was my final straw. After a day of opening Christmas presents at Grandma Jans’s. We went home that evening. I just washed up and went straight to bed. At 36 weeks pregnant I mainly laid on my right side with a pillow propped between my legs and another just under my big ol’ belly. *side note* I have never felt more attractive in my entire life than when I was pregnant. I felt beautiful from the tip of my head to my toes. I was creating life.
Back to the story:
I woke up at 4:30. a.m. December 26, 2014. I felt hot as usual. Sweating from every nook and cranny. My thighs extra sweaty as usual. Except this time it was a little to “sweaty”. I rolled myself out of the bed. Stood up and there was a quite literal gush of fluid coming from my loins. Okay! My heart skipped a little. “shit”. I waddled my way over to the bathroom. A few more little gushes and now water was dripping down my legs. Warm like I peed myself. Which did happen in the last few weeks with even the weakest sneeze.
I decided to peek my head out the door and waddle over to Patrick. “It’s time.”
“What?” He said.
“I think my water broke”
“Are you sure?”, he asked nervously.
I answered yes then told him to get ready to go. I called the hospital and my mom. Telling her its okay. Meet us there later when I call you to say it is for sure.
The roads were icy. It was freezing out. No one was on the roads. I am thinking it was snowing but as of now I am totally not sure. All I know is during the week after there was all sorts of problems with the cold. Including my recovery room and the NICU.
We arrived by 5 am. They sent us to a room to check for contractions and to see if my water had actual broke. Waddling my way to the room the nurse left to get me one of those lovely hospital gowns. While the nurse was out she had me waddle my way to the bathroom. I left trails of water along my path. The nurse came back in laughing.
“Yeah, looks like you did”
I remember nervously smiling at her and thinking it is kind of obvious is it not. duh.
Patrick just waiting calmly over in the little area with a bed monitor to track contractions, heart rate and all that stuff. Mind you this is just the room where you wait to go into labor and delivery. Where if the curtain was open the whole world would see my vag.
I sit down at a almost 90 degree angle because if I laid on my back for to long I felt horribly dizzy. We checked my blood pressure and put the monitoring belt on. Blood pressure high and baby was doing just fine. I was contracting but no more than three minutes apart. I really could not feel anything at all; just felt uncomfortable.
The nurse was surprised and said I was lucky. She did not have that experience. I can handle pain quite well compaires to most.
*side note everyone who is pregnant should watch. What to Expect when you’re Expecting w/ Anna Kendrick, Cameron Diaz, Jennifer Lopez, Elizabeth Banks, and many other actors.*
The nurse then says we need to check for dilation and to see if in fact my water broke.
So on goes the gloves and the hand, okay I am sure it was just her fingers go in the vagina. I can feel her hit my cervix. She fiddles around and with a smile she pulls her fingers out and exclaims happily.
“She has hair and quite a bit of it!”
My heart just fills with more love and I look to Patrick. We both smile and nervously laugh.
Except I was barely dialted to a little over a one.
That was disappointing. I was hoping to be instantly dialated. You know just pop that baby out and be on my way.
Ha ha, No such luck.
The nurse leaves again and in strolls my mom. I think she was more nervous than I actually was. The nurse came back told the doctor of her news and they sent us over to labor and delivery.
By the way my actual doctor was not in town at the time. Sometimes that happens. I was four weeks early and having a baby the morning after Christmas. Good thing the on call was very polite and has good judgement.
(Now I am not quite sure on the following 24 hours after heading to my labor and delivery room).
I want to say we waited a hour to start the Pitocin. To see if I would dilate on my own. I do know eventually I was given it in a IV.
I do know they hooked all sorts of things up to me. Blood pressure monitor, my monitor belt for the baby, and a monitor later up my vagina that connected to her head to keep a closer eye on her.
Oh my gosh! That was when I finally asked for some pain relievers. Fentanyl I think it was called. They let me take it every so often.It would also help me sleep. Which was a major relief after like six or so hours of being there.
As I slept on and off. Patrick did the same. My mom read, watched tv and they would leave to go eat when they were hungry. I wasn’t able to eat so it was hard watching others eat or even smell the food,
I had only ever wanted just my mom and my husband in the delivery room with me. Except around 8 a.m. Patrick’s Grandma Jan walked in. She just sat there patiently all day. It was a comfort to have here there.
Now given the time we arrived at the hospital and the last thing I ate was just before we left our apartment ( a string cheese). By 6:30 pm I was beyond starving. I think they tried to just give me some broth and water before but it just was not cutting it. I was so miserable from sitting in that dang hospital bed.
I was so effing hungry and still so tired.
Finally sometime after seven I was given a basic turkey sandwhich and some side and I believe water.
The original nurse had told us we only had up to 18 hours after my water broke to get the baby out.
After 19 hours I was only dilated to a seven or so. That is when I had to ask for the epidural.
The anesthesiologists came within a few minutes. Everyone had said it would be immediate relief but nothing was happening. Nothing but the fact that the left half of my face was going numb and my left eyelid was drooping. It was a little scary so we asked the anesthesiologist to come back. I had to have a new epidural put back in. For some reason the first instead of going down into my lower half it traveled up.
At least before the epidural I could go to the bathroom on my own.
The rest of my ten hours of labor was calling the nurses to help me turn over and sleeping the best I could.
Finally! I was dilated to a ten and felt the need to take a big old poo. (Seriously ask anyone who has had a baby that is what it feels like.
On December 27, 2014 around 8 a.m. I pushed and I pushed and I pushed. I tried so hard with all the energy I had left to push.
She was twisted in my birth canal.
Still doing fabulous as far as all the charts and graphs told us.
I asked in probably a whisper at this point.
“Please, can we just do a c-section?”
The Doctor just looks at me then the charts for a few minutes. Says something to the nurses and me. Which I couldn’t make anything out. it was like that all night all.
So I would just nod my head in agreement and hope someone else was paying attention.
White hospital walls blurred passed me as they rolled me into surgery.
Confusion must of sent in on my face because the anistheigioligist who was in the surgery room gentley patted me on the head and smoothed my hair out.
Then quietly said,
“Everything will be okay sweetie.”
I started crying as he started counting down.
Looked at my nervous husband and then I could feel everything go numb.
(Even more than I already was)
As they cut me open. I could feel a pressure change. I could feel the tugging of my skin and the my baby being ripped from my insides.
They didnt even show her to me.
Took her immediately to get cleaned up.
It was over. She was here.
They rolled me back to my labor room. Everyone had showed up to meet her.
My Paisley. Our Paisley girl.
The nurses and doctor brought her in and said their congratulations.
Finally, I got to hold her. Skin to skin.
I was in love. Pure love.
She was beautiful.
Then they took her again.
She had to be taken to the NICU.
Now because of all that I had went through. I was in a confused emotional state and I still dont really understand why they took her.
It was torture.
I could here babies crying in the hallway as I would roll down or walk to the NICU. I would hear the other mothers comforting their babies from their recovery rooms.
Instant jealousy and sadness would over come me.
She needed me.
I couldn’t just answer her cry and instantly feel the gratification of holding my baby in my arms.
It was heart ache and torture for almost a week.
Then we took her home for one single night in our crummy apartment in Murray.
The next day Jan. 2nd, 2015 we moved into our home.
Our home that we found while I was seven months pregnant and closed on while we were still in the hospital.
Our home which was only the third one in the first day of looking at house.
Our home which felt so natural to be in. Like I have been there before.
Now two and a half years later we are educating, learning from, laughing with our darling Paisley and I couldnt be more thankful to have her,
I would go through all the misery of labor again.
Just to have her.